Anxiety, and Her.

I feel like I'm being pushed away.
By her, mostly.
Okay, all of by her.

She's dating this guy now.
Let's call him, him. (He gets an ugly color. >[ )

Him and her used to like each-other a lot.
It started last year, ninth grade, I believe?
Some stuff happened, she stopped liking him.
And last I checked, she still didn't like him.

Guess I was wrong.

Anyway,
Sometimes he can be a real fucking asshole,
Who hurts her, (A lot in the past.)

Anyone who hurts her is a fucking enemy to me.
I'm a very jealous person, that admitted.
And yeah, I like her, if you couldn't tell already.
I just.
I don't want her to get hurt, at all.
I can't deal with her in pain, (If you didn't see my last big post with her in it, you should look.)

So seriously, if he hurts her,
I'll kill him.
Seriously, I will have no hesitation to coming over there,
And beating his fucking ass out of his mouth with knife-fronted, steel-toed boots.

Anyway.
I might have an anxiety disorder.
Going to the doctor finally on Tuesday for my UTI meds,
And I'm gonna talk to her about these series of feelings with severely elevated heart-rate,
Dizziness, short of breath, shaking, etc.
I've had these things for years now, but I never knew what it was, and my mom just shrugged it off.
My Health Teacher told me what I was describing is a minor Panic Attack/Panic Attack.
(One happened a few days ago, and I told her about it.)
I seriously felt like I was having a heart attack,
It was horrible.
Mother just says I'm "nervous" but, I want to get a professional opinion.
And yeah, I understand that I'm a hormonal teenager,
But I'm smart enough to distinguish what a panic attack must feel like and what hormones raging feel like.
Nothing alike, I assure you.

If they have to put me on medication for the anxiety,
I can tell my mom's gonna say no.
She has anxiety too, but she doesn't do anything about it.
She has a problem with people 'getting dependent on pills'.
I do too, trust me.
(I have a problem with my dependence on Tylenol,
Since she won't let me get prescribed the actual migraine meds I need to get rid of the pain, and two Tylenol just don't help anymore.)
But if what I've been experiencing is really Panic Attacks,
Then the mental things I've been doing the past few years have not been working.
I really don't want to go on another medication,
But if I have to, to get better, then I guess I'll have to.

Ugh, so much to think about.
I guess I'm gonna lie down for a bit.
Peace.